DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedic chanteuse. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” and “Welcome To My White House” parodies, portraying the satirical Betty Bowers and as a nefarious

bon vivant.


Dear Deven:

My nieces and nephew are monsters. Can’t I wait until they are in their 20s to spend time with them?


Dearest, all children are monsters, but they are not your monsters.  Be the fun uncle that always has to leave immediately.  Let them know they are loved in short, palatable intervals.


Dear Deven:

I just ate a whole sleeve of cookies. That is one serving right?


Yes, of course!  But, sugar is not a reward and ultimately will not comfort you.


Dear Deven:

When I was younger I used to massage every whim and ego of my mentor. Now that I am older I find myself doing the same thing with my boss. 

Why am I like this?


You were taught to be a sycophant from your mentor. When you raise your own personal standards of worthiness you will increase your confidence. You can admire someone without kissing their ass.


Dear Deven:

My parents are well-off so I have lived a pretty charmed life until I REALLY over- spent and they cut me off.  I can’t lead the lifestyle I am used to anymore. What do I tell people?


Boo. Hoo. Hoo. You were wasteful and self-indulgent when you could have created your own empire. Your parents have given you the gift of an amazing life lesson: To be able to tell people you are independently wealthy.




Dear Deven:

Is it weird that two grown men call each other baby names in public?


Oh sugar-muffin, poodle-head, peach bottom, of course it is! So what.


Dear Deven:

I think I am with a Momma’s boy.  We will be watching a TV show and he will ask me to get him something from the kitchen.  He’s not rude, it’s just that he EXPECTS me to just do it for him.  Should I?


Would it help if he called you sugar-muffin? If it’s bothering you that much then make a snack platter together before you both sit down.


Dear Deven:

I get my nails buffed and polished.  A “youth” questioned me on this practice.  How can they not get it?


I know! “Youth” have so much to learn from you.  I’ll bet he was curious enough to try it himself.


Dear Deven:

I buy everything related to a certain musical.  I have to have it all. Stop me!


You will never “have it all.” So just buy what you love. This applies to most areas of your life.


Dear Friends: I do not offer advice, only my experience.

Image: Reed Davis Photography

MUA: Joseph Adivari Hair: Miles Jeffries

Dress: Debakalis by John Sakalis / Eddie DeBarr