by Mikey Rox

I’ll say it: The past few years have been a f***ing nightmare. The climate in this country – and, arguably, the world – is so volatile that it’s a wonder any of us get a good night’s sleep. I find myself angry, negative and depressed for no good reason, but at the end of the day how much does any of the shit we put ourselves through really matter? After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t. None of it. Not a single thing impeding your or my happiness is worth what we’re feeding it. So why not stop? I am – starting now. Here’s how I’m snatching back my happiness in 2019.

1. Allowing myself to be proud of me

My grandmother – the one who disowned me for being gay – used to talk a lot about the importance of humility. In fact, she prosthelytized the importance of many “Christian” ideals, but rarely exercised them herself, especially where love and acceptance is concerned. And that’s the primary problem with people trying to teach you to be you: They have no goddamn idea what they’re talking about. As a result, I grew up being ashamed of who I was while not allowing myself to celebrate the growth and progress I make as a human being every day. But that stops here. I have so much to be proud of as not only a man but a gay man. I’m young(ish), successful, blessed in so many ways, and I’ve done all my adulting on my own. That deserves a big pat of the back – and I’m giving it to myself this year.

2. Not giving into short-term gratification

I love shopping. If we’re hunting for clothing and home-good bargains, I’m there in a jif. But it’s an expensive habit to maintain. I update my wardrobe and add décor to my homes more often than I’d like to admit (even though my bank account serves as a constant reminder), but I’ve recently made a resolution that nothing new comes through these doors for the entire year. How will I do that? I’ve started by cutting up credit cards and unsubscribing from every marketing email that has landed in my inbox since January 1. It’s a virtual ghost town in there these days. The next phase is to start editing my closets and my homes for items I can sell to help reach my New Year’s saving resolution, which this year is in the double-digit thousands – all cash in hand. It’s lofty, but I’m determined – and that’s all the motivation I need.

3. Downsizing my entire life

I’ll start selling my material possessions this year because I don’t need them where I’m going. My long-term goal for 2019 is to unload all my real estate, purchase a van that’s suitable for daily life, and hit the road. As I’ve sat in my properties – alone – for the past few years, I’ve had plenty of time to think, and the question I keep coming back to is, what the hell are you doing here? The answer is nothing. I’m doing nothing where I am but wasting the time I could be spending out there in the world experiencing life instead of literally watching it pass me by. It’s a major change that’ll signify the start of the second half of my life story, but I eat challenges like this for breakfast.

4. Cutting out alcohol so I can remember what I’m really like

Many people have a difficult relationship with alcohol, myself included. And as I reflect on the over 20 years that I’ve allowed alcohol to ruin relationships, squander opportunities and otherwise fuck me up physically, mentally and emotionally, I have to consider the alternative. So beginning at the top of the year, I decided to live alcohol free until April 1. That’s not the date when I’ll start drinking again, but rather a date that gives me enough time to clear my head, concentrate on my fitness goals and then weigh my options. Will I be the better person I want to be, or am I a dick sober too? Time will tell.

5. Finding more people who raise my spirits

I don’t like to put down our own LGBTQ community, but we can be real cunts to one another. It’s not just us, though. There are so many people out there who are committed to infecting everyone around them with their negativity that I sometimes dread leaving the house. Everybody has an attitude these days, and for what? Who knows, but I’m canceling all my dates with those downers and only giving time to people who make me feel good about myself. Thank you, next.

6. Avoiding as much political media as I can

I’m turning off the TV, changing the settings on the news I receive, and avoiding all political debates on social media. It’ll drive you fucking nuts if you give into it, and we can’t let the trolls control us. Look the other way and have nothing to say is my new motto. It’s everybody for themselves out there.

7. Practicing more self-care

More hot baths, facials, massages, meditation, gym classes, yoga, (safe) SEX, and whatever else makes my mind and body feel like I deserve this. Because I do.

8. Refusing to do anything I don’t want to do

I’m already very good at saying no, but I have a conscience and I sometimes feel bad when I’m direct to someone who’s kind. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I’m also not willing to engage in situations that bore me or make me uncomfortable or that cost me money I don’t want to spend. Thank you for asking, but I’m politely declining, perhaps for eternity. I don’t owe you an answer why either.

Get out there and snatch back your happiness this year too, friends. Clock’s ticking.

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Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox

By Jeff Fuller

“Burst down those closet doors once and for all and stand up and start to fight.”

–  Harvey Milk

Pride Is Protest

Pride has its origins in protest, the Stonewall Riots of 1969, a time when gay sex was a criminal act in much of the country and the “out and proud” were few and far between. These brave souls were able to find supportive and accepting communities of kindred spirits in major cities such as New York or San Francisco. Being “out” came with great risk and potential consequences – ridicule, job loss, police harassment, assault, or worse. Raids on gay bars were frequent; however, in June of 1969, the queers of New York’s Stonewall Inn fought back against a police raid. News of the Stonewall Riots galvanized gays across the country and eventually the world, resulting in annual Pride parades in major cities like Atlanta to demand LGBT rights. These protest parades have evolved into the Pride celebrations we know today.

Over the years, Pride has been used to protest Anita Bryant’s anti-gay crusade, the inadequate government response to the HIV/AIDS crisis, marriage amendments, anti-transgender bathroom bills, and horrific acts of violence against our community.  Pride has also been a celebration of our political and legal victories: greater visibility and acceptance of the LGBTQ community in the workplace, the elimination of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and the landmark Supreme Court decisions of Lawrence v. Texas (decriminalizing gay sex); Windsor v. United States (mandating federal recognition of gay marriage); and Obergefell v. Hodges, (providing for marriage equality nationwide).

Pride Is Personal

While Atlanta Pride no longer coincides with the Stonewall anniversary, it falls on or about National Coming Out Day. Coming out remains an important ritual in our community and Pride often plays a major role in this process by offering a safe and accepting environment. For me personally, Atlanta’s Pride Festival was the first time and place in my adult life that I held someone’s hand of the same gender in broad daylight. I remember how powerful it was to observe hundreds of people who were queer like me and queer in other ways, out having fun in the bright sunshine. My coming out process was slow, but events like Pride gave me the courage to accept myself and eventually be open about who I am.

To those who live in parts of the country where there is no gay community to speak of, Pride is often one of the few chances they have to truly be themselves and connect with others. Pride is especially powerful to youth who may be outcasts in their hometowns but can feel like they belong somewhere when they visit Atlanta for a fun-filled weekend in October.

Pride Is a Party

Pride is also a season of rainbow flags, rainbow socks, rainbow cakes, and rainbow jello shots.  Glamorous drag queens present dazzling performances. Half-naked men gyrate on parade floats.  Pride parties can mean gathering in people’s houses for brunch, dancing to the wee hours of the morning to electronic music, congregating on the lawn by the Piedmont Park stage, connecting with old friends and making new ones, or witnessing the beautiful parade put on by our queer community. Pride provides enough events and excitement to keep one entertained all weekend long.

Some have argued that the meaning of Pride as protest has been lost in its party atmosphere, that it is just another excuse for excessive drink and debauchery. Some decry the commercialism resulting from sponsorship from major companies that once wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything gay but now promote a sanitized and de-radicalized event. Others feel left out, that their voices are not being heard and that Pride has more work to do to be more inclusive.

Amid all the sweat and glitter, it can be easy to lose sight of the political and personal functions of Pride that help build us up as a community.

Pride Is a Protest Again

While LGBT rights have advanced considerably since 1969, these times call for continued vigilance against forces that seek to hinder or reverse these gains. The Supreme Court justice who was the deciding vote and the author of the Lawrence, Windsor and Obergefell opinions has retired and may be replaced by an extremely partisan conservative, credibly accused of sexual assault. In Georgia, the outcome of the governor’s race will decide whether the state may once again attempt to enact a religious freedom bill that legalizes discrimination. Even in 2018, you can still be fired from your job here in Georgia for being gay. The current administration seeks to ban transgender people from serving in the military, demonstrates indifference to the continuing threat of HIV/AIDS, and fosters an environment hostile to LGBTQ rights. Pride is also an opportunity to keep these issues in focus as well as other causes that our community cares about: police brutality, racial justice, climate change, sexual violence, and international human rights. Celebrate this fabulous weekend, but also allow Pride to energize you to take action, whether that means voting, writing an article, organizing, serving the community, or raising your voice in protest.

By all means, enjoy the plethora of Pride parties, but also take time to reflect on how far we have come as a community in this half century since Stonewall as well as the formidable challenges affecting us today. Share your own coming out story and listen to others tell theirs. Make people feel included and encourage them to be who they are. Hold hands. Atlanta Pride grows more and more each year because it showcases the creativity, diversity, kindness, and love of the LGBTQ community here.

By Mik Hyldebrandt

Photo: Tyler Ogden

It wasn’t just the stress of being deployed in Afghanistan and the constant threat of attack that threw Mark David Gibson into the throes of PTSD. The fact that he served under the military’s discriminatory Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy forced him to remain a closeted, gay man unable to live his authentic life. His memoir, Served in Silence: The Struggle to Live Authentically, recounts his personal struggle and powerful journey to live a true life beyond discrimination and filled with authenticity and love.

It was during his second deployment to Afghanistan that the basis of Mark David Gibson’s memoir started. Mark found that writing his thoughts and his stories down gave him a much-needed release from the emotional trauma he was experiencing being in a high-risk war zone with a constant threat of being attacked. The act of writing struck a chord with the captain who worked as a communications officer for the U.S. Air Force and helped him deal with the challenging conditions of his deployment to a war zone.

But for Mark, there was an even more profound layer to his writing. A deeper struggle that equaled and even surpassed his most intense battles while being a service member abroad. His realization of being a gay man who served under the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy was taking an emotional toll on him. The internal battle over the fact that he was willing to sacrifice his own life to ensure the liberty and freedoms of others, while he was far from enjoying those same personal freedoms were starting to fester in him and even question his identity. In fact, he called an emergency session with a senior officer to change his will, so that, given the possibility that he would get killed in service, he wouldn’t be buried in American soil, in a country that he felt didn’t accept him as an equal citizen.

His struggle and immense inner debate found at least partial release in writing, which started out as musings about his childhood, daydreaming, and reminiscing about his early years. Writing became a way for Mark to deal with the dehumanizing policy that effectively kept Mark in the closet for the entirety of his 20-year military career and beyond.

When he returned home, he was still profoundly marred by what he refers to as living in the shadows, and he struggled genuinely with the social structures that surrounded the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. His painful reality coupled with the onset of PTSD symptoms had Mark heavily medicated on prescription anti-depressants while his alcohol consumption started to reach dangerous levels despite seeming fully functional and capable to his surroundings.

So, when a doctor told him that he was rapidly killing himself with his alarming alcoholism, Mark realized that something drastic had to be done. And he also realized that writing was one of the vessels with which he could make profound changes in himself and the people around him.

Mark 2.0

After decades of shaming, hating, and loathing himself for what he was, Mark has learned to tell himself three words: I love you. The process of self-love was very much aided by his ability to write and express his feelings through words.

Upon returning from his second deployment as a highly decorated officer, Captain Gibson retired from active duty. Shortly after, Mark moved to Costa Rica where he underwent a dramatic transformation, which is unfolded with brutal honesty in his memoir.

First of all, Mark is five years sober, which has given him renewed focus and a resolve to make a positive difference every day. He has discovered the joy of life, love, and living which translates into him being an accomplished triathlete, working to help small LGBT businesses thrive, and giving motivational speeches across the country. And he has found meaningful love and partnership with his boyfriend, Aaron, whom he lovingly and often refers to as ‘Mr. Wonderful.’

Secondly, his writing has gone from reminiscing about his childhood to being a powerful narrative about his monumental struggle to live his life authentically. The book – Served in Silence: The Struggle to Live Authentically – recounts four phases of Mark David Gibson’s journey that starts in the early years, then moves onto the learning years and wonder years to end up in the living years finally.

And thirdly, as compelling a read this book is about pulling yourself out of the shadows, it brings the message of Served in Silence even further by donating portions of the proceeds to the Atlanta nonprofit Lost-n-Found Youth which is dedicated to ending homelessness for LGBTQ youth in Georgia.

Mark hopes that Served in Silence will not only enlighten and help others in their journey to live their own life more authentically by learning from his experiences, but also that it will help pull others out of the shadows in a much more literal way. Because his journey has shown him, that although there may be struggle, there is also an authentic life waiting for you, no matter who you are.

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Learn more at markdavidgibson.com

Served in Silence: The Struggle to Live Authentically is available now on MarkonAmazon.com.