photo of Deven by ReedDavisPhotography.com

DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” World of Wonder, and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com.

Listen to Deven’s Q&A here:

 

Dear Deven: I just don’t look good in the new Fall fashions.  “Verklempt in Versace”

I disagree. Very few people can carry off ostentatious as seamlessly as you can. If you get called out on it, just reply: “Fall? I am wearing Spring, for I always dress several seasons ahead. You should too!” Remember, the best fashion is a face full of fashion.

Dear Deven: I am a bit shy in social gatherings. Any advice on how to get over my anxiety? “Anonymous”

Two words: Vintage Banter. Memorize classic lines from seminal TV shows and films so you can quote them by heart. You will instantly connect with any group mostly because you are not talking about yourself but simply revealing what great taste you have. Trust me, I quote myself all the time!

Dear Deven: Help! My friends have started treating me differently after I said I didn’t like pumpkin!! “Peter Peter in Poughkeepsie”

They are “pumpkin shaming” you, dear. Next time, keep your piehole closed until the season finishes and eggnog shaming begins.

Dear Deven: My boyfriend cheated on me. What do I do? “Faithful in Fresno”

Shocking! People are loyal until they are not. Look after your own loyalty. The door is now open for you to consider other prospects and/or benefactors to ensure that you have some place to go this holiday season.

Dear Deven: I have friends that revel in seasonal home décor. I hate it. How do I feign interest? “Going Baroque in Barstow”

I’m sure you have faked it before. Interject with these types of words whenever there is a pause in conversation:
“Rococo,” “Mid-Century Modern,” “matchy-matchy,” “chaise-lounge,” “stool,” and “minimal” (which is the new “basic”).

Dear Deven: I am feeling puffy. What should I do? “Frumpy in Florida”

I just came back from performing at the Gay Naturists – yes, everyone was male and nude (except me). Your body image is only under a magnifying glass by you. No one else really cares because they are too busy looking in their own mirror. Get a better mirror.

Have a question for Deven? Send her your questions: DevenGreen@gmail.com. Be sure to reference Goliath Atlanta in your message.