DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” World of Wonder, and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com
Dear Deven: It took me a long time to grow my beard, and now it’s going out of fashion. Should I cut it off? – “Bothered in Buckhead”
This is not an all or nothing situation. You have choices: trim it, then cut it into chops, then a mustache, then a mouche, then bare. Or, leave as-is because it will be on-trend again. Face fashion is cyclical.
Dear Deven: How can I stop my pants from creasing in my crotch area? – “Crumpled in Coweta”
A) Don’t wear linen. B) Don’t sit. C) Don’t wear pants.
Dear Deven: I like to be comfortable, but my new boyfriend said he was embarrassed when I wore my track pants to the club. Why?– “Pouting in Peachtree City”
I think you meant to say your soon-to-be EX-boyfriend. Wear your gym clothes in the gym, and buy some party clothes that are comfortable to wear when you entertain or are the entertainment. If you are wearing anything athletic in a club, it better have the word “cup” associated with it.
Dear Deven: I just noticed I had a wild nose hair. Why am I mortified? – “Piliferous in Paulding County”
Because you are usually so well groomed that you consider this a “mistake.” It’s not. It’s just “European.” If it really bothers you, consider laser treatment from a professional (as opposed to home lasers).
Dear Deven: I have nothing to wear. – “Stark in Stewart”
Clean, repair, replace or alter what you currently have. Or go to a nudist colony and be with others who have nothing to wear.
Dear Deven: Is there anything really new in fashion?– “Current in Coweta”
Yes, your perception and appreciation of style and form.
Dear Deven: I buy my new boyfriend clothes so he fits in, but he doesn’t seem very grateful. What should I do?– “Mewling in Marietta”
When you met him, did you think, “You are everything I have ever wanted to change!” Is it your job to assimilate him into society? If not, please know that new boyfriends are not new “projects.” Take him as he is (with small refinements) or send him back into the wild.
Dear Deven: My husband thought he bought me a great shirt, but he doesn’t seem to know my taste at all. You know what I am going to ask… – “Mendacious in Metro ”
Take the shirt back because it’s “the wrong size” <wink>. Pick out something you will actually wear because the store didn’t have your size <wink>. When you wear your new shirt to a party, tell friends your hubby got it for you <wink>. A relationship based on half-truths is a whole lot of fun.
Dear Readers, please ask me anything about food and dining for next month: DevenGreen@gmail.com
Photo: Reed Davis Photography