DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com
Dear Deven: I want to hint at moving in together. How can I guarantee he will say “YES!”? – Full House
Try over-reaching. If you say you want to get married, then his response will be, “Maybe we should live together first.” Or just let him know that you have made a copy of his house key and the moving truck will be there Saturday.
Dear Deven: My friend buys me thoughtful, expensive gifts all the time. I hate feeling obligated to buy him things. – American Gigolo
Sometimes the gift is more for the person giving it than the person receiving it. Just make sure he is not using it for leverage down the road. If you hear the words “you OWE ME nothing,” you will indeed owe him something.
Dear Deven: I’m so lazy about dating. It’s so much work. What is the easiest way to date? – Reality Bites
Lay on your back. I’m sure someone will climb aboard. If you wish to place the onus of responsibility onto that of your friends via a blind date, you will have to swallow your pride and pretend not to be mortified at their choice of a “he’s got such a great personality.”
Dear Deven: I’m not sure if I should date this new guy. He’s really awesome, but he has been divorced twice, once from a woman and once from a man. – Wild Thing
Re-read your question carefully. He just told you exactly who he was.
Dear Deven: My siblings have left me in charge of my ailing mother because I am gay. I’m so tired. What’s the best way to deal with this? – Family Ties
They didn’t place this on you because you are gay. They placed it on you because you are a responsible, willing, good brother. Ask them for specific help such as everyone chipping in financially to get a home-care worker once a week to relieve you. Your mom raised a good son.
Dear Deven: Here it is. Okay. I looked through my husband’s phone – he wasn’t cheating. I feel awful and am ashamed. – To Wong Number
You found out exactly what you already knew. Your husband is a good man, and you are insecure.
I expect a lot from a partner: Commitment, honesty, integrity, diligence, etc. I have never found it in someone else. – Great Expectations
You are looking for a prepackaged entity instead of enjoying the qualities that someone else has and building a partnership together from that. You can be a perfectionist with yourself, but give others some latitude.
Dear Deven: I’m in a relationship, and I feel lonely. – Waiting To Exhale
Being with someone else doesn’t eradicate loneliness. They cannot heal or entertain you. Relationships should strengthen you to be a stronger person when you are alone. That void is only filled by you – and by me right now saying, “You are never alone.”
Dear Friends: This column is for entertainment purposes…mostly mine. Send me your questions:DevenGreen@gmail.com
Photo: Reed Davis Photography