DevenFeb2017

Well Hello. It’s Deven Green – February 2017 Edition

DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. Fact: Deven is taken. DevenGreen.com

 

Dear Deven: In my head, I want sick revenge on my ex. How do I release these nasty thoughts? 
Unforgiving’
Pointed, angry attention to your ex is at odds with giving and receiving love. Make revenge more about being a better you and living with an effortless pursuit of perfection. Being vindictive is simply beneath your usual high standards and will ultimately sully your good family name.

Dear Deven: I am still friends with my ex, but my new boyfriend is crazy jealous of him. How do I nip this in the bud? 
Disbanding’
Either your new boyfriend is creating drama for absolutely no reason at all, or he is picking up on something unresolved with your ex. The bloom has already fallen off the stem.

Dear Deven: I still invite my ex to everything, and he never invites me to anything – ever – other than sleep overs. What is that about? 
Scheduling’
He wants you there at night but expects you gone in the morning – that is his agenda.

Dear Deven: I’m trying to work it out with my ex, but he won’t go to therapy with me. I have anxiety every day until he calls. I’m a mess. How can I feel better?
‘Undermining’
Your self-esteem is based 100% on his whims. You have given him all the power in your relationship. Go to the therapist to heal you, not to fix him.

Dear Deven: I want my ex the more he says “no.”
‘Coveting’
You didn’t ask a question because you are telling me a fact. The reality is that this situation is turning you on way more than it should. And the truth is that when he finally does say “yes,” you will shrug and walk away because you no longer want what you thought you wanted. Player.

Dear Deven: I fall in love again every time I sleep with my ex. I don’t want to, but I can’t help it. How can I keep it casual? 
Yielding’
Imagine you are sleeping with someone else! PS: Smarten up.

Dear Deven: Why did he give up on us so easily?
‘Hurting’
I know you are in pain, dear. Examine your reasons as to why you invested so heavily in him. If two people have very different expectations, someone will end up dissatisfied. You can’t figure him out, so figure you out. I won’t give up on you.

Dear Friends: This column is for entertainment purposes…mostly mine. Send me your questions: DevenGreen@gmail.com

Image by Franz Szony. Makeup Joseph Adivari