DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, from “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” World of Wonder, and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com
Dear Deven: I’m an Aquarian, what is my horoscope? “Watery in Washington”
Deven: Do you feel that all the people in the world fit into 12 generalized categories? You tell this month what it will be, not the other way around.
Dear Deven: I tried to quit smoking, but when I go out and drink I smoke. What to do? “Inhaling in Indian Springs”
Deven: Go out to places such as a park, running track, dog run, etc. where they don’t serve booze. Fill your mouth with something else to relieve that oral fixation. When you are ready to quit, you will completely quit. No one can change your mind until you do.
Dear Deven: I have breakfast with my friends at the same cafe every morning. Is it okay to try the place across the street? “Chewing in Chattanooga”
Deven: You are allowed to cheat on your waiter. You are allowed to eat anywhere you wish. Only you are placing emotional obligations on this scenario. In your childhood, you were punished for something of this nature and now your deep misplaced attachments are ruling you . . . I presume. You are allowed to walk away and walk back in again.
Dear Deven: I want to feel like a “good person.” What can I do to make me seem kind-hearted? “Reaching in Regina”
Deven: I appreciate your desire to be a human being. You want OTHERS to notice how kind you are, so your motivation will always be transparent and you won’t get the wanted results. Find a cause that actually resonates with you such as volunteering. It may take a couple of tries to find the right fit for your sensibilities, but when you do, you won’t need to tell everyone how good you are because you just will be.
Dear Deven: I’m gay and I love to gossip! Is that sooooo bad? “Tattling in Toledo”
Deven: Thank you for coming out. You gossip to provide the illusion of closeness by revealing something you shouldn’t to others. If someone you trusted kept quiet about your particulars, maybe you should extend that same courtesy if it’s asked of you. The only harm is to you, since your reputation will be sullied. Gossip about yourself or talk less about others, dear.
Dear Deven: I honestly feel like I am blending in with everyone else since we all shop at the same places and have the same aesthetic, same skin regime. How can I be different? “Heterogeneous in Homer”
Deven: We all fall into some generalized categories, but you, in your desire to fit in, lost yourself. Create your own identity in the group by personalizing one thing – such as your shoes. Have a diverse interest which requires you to look, feel, sound and be different; then you have fulfilled your want to be you, and still maintained the safety of your group.
Dear Deven: I let Jesus into my heart but I let another man into my bed. Do you think He’ll be upset? “Jacked”
Deven: Tell him that you and Jesus have an open relationship.
Dear Deven: When does it get better? — “Yearning in Yonkers”
Deven: When you get easier.
I have your answers, give me your questions: DevenGreen@gmail.com