Well Hello – It’s Deven Green – October Edition

Deven Green is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com

Dear Deven: I tried to date people from online, but when we meet in real life, they are just a bunch of weirdos. Isn’t this a waste of time? “Bytes”
Be more articulate for what you need and what you are looking for in your online description. Fact-check everything you can about the other person and video chat with them before you meet them in real life. This will make your time better spent.

Dear Deven:It’s all cute with my boyfriend, but I found out he is leaving nasty comments on videos and posts under another name. I’m shocked. Do I confront him? “Raw Data”
He is wearing a mask of anonymity online. He feels he can say anything without any consequences because it is harmless. It’s not. It is another form of bullying. He may be doing it for “fun” but there is aggression behind it. Be careful, because he is not a man who stands behind his words.

Dear Deven: I have to block all my exes whenever I get a new boyfriend. I feel kind of bad, but everyone does this right? “Firewall”
I know you want to erase your poor choices – we all do – but be aware that they have blocked you too.

Dear Deven: I’m with someone now, but is it OK to just fool around with someone else online only? “Encryption”
I’m pretty sure you can and already have.

Dear Deven: My husband is very close to his parents. Every time he video chats with them, he always wants me to show my face. Sometimes I am just getting out of the shower. How can I stop him?“Motherboard”
There is no stopping him! He will always want to show you off because he is proud of what an amazing catch you are. Just holler, “Give me five minutes!” I would be pro-active though. When you hear them talking, jump into the conversation for a quick hello. Not only was this your choice, but you have fulfilled your “husbandly” duties.

Dear Deven: I found my perfect match! However, I am not sexually interested in him. Will this change? “Zip drive”
No, honey. Either you feel it or you don’t. He is your perfect friend-match. In the long run, it’s pretty great to have an excellent conversationalist mate, which is how most long-term relationships end up; but don’t start at the ending.

Dear Deven: I’ve never dated anyone I’ve met online longer than one month. Why? “Refresh Rate”
That is because you enjoy the “ice cream” phase of a relationship in which the initial mouthful tastes very thrilling, so you just keep replicating this particular scenario. When you want the “full meal deal,” the dating timeline will naturally extend. Try it. If not, go back to having your just desserts.

Dear Friends: This column is for entertainment purposes…mostly mine. Send me your questions:DevenGreen@gmail.com

Photo: Reed Davis Photography