DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedy performer. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” parodies, as the satirical Betty Bowers – America’s Best Christian, OCCmakeup ads, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” World of Wonder, and performing her live music shows in brothels across America. DevenGreen.com 

Dear Deven: Would it be rude if I was intimate with my boyfriend in public for his Valentine’s Day present?  “Randy in Roswell”
It would be rude if I was intimate with him! Talk dirty in public, and take it out on each other when you get home.

Dear Deven: I want to throw an anti-Valentine’s Day party with all my other friends who are alone to fight society’s expectations of couplings and devalue this made up corporate holiday. “Heartless (ironically) in the Heartland”
Thank you for the run-on sentence. Society never asked you to buy a card, and there is no punishment if you don’t. The real issue is your anger against couples. Have a “singles” party for you, not against them.

Dear Deven: My relationship is almost over.  Is it wrong to break up on Valentine’s Day?  “Heart of Stone Mountain”
Do it privately so you don’t ruin the day for others. Or, conversely, do it publicly so everyone is thankful they are with someone kind. Is there any perfect time to break up? No, just more appropriate times.

Dear Deven: Do you love me?  “Muddled in Midtown”
Can you receive love? If so, then it is there for you to embrace. It’s easy to love someone.  The trick is to truly like them.

Dear Deven: We would like to invite someone else into our relationship. How do we do that?  “Werking it in Winder”
With words and cash, my dear! I love that you two are on the same page. Pick the third person from outside your circle of friends. Limit any social contact so (s)he doesn’t emotionally come between you two. Keep it recreational, fun and safe.

Dear Deven: I’m in a long-term relationship, and I have run out of Valentine gift ideas. Do you have any?  “Idea-free in Inman Park”
Propose.

Dear Deven: We want to get married next year on Valentine’s Day. Both of our families will be there. How can we acknowledge them best? — “Happy in Hapeville”
I am an Officiant / Celebrant, and will share with you what I say about parents in the ceremonies I perform: “Most parents have one simple agenda when their children are born, and that is they want them to be happy.” I then ask both gentlemen if they are happy – They respond in the affirmative. – Then I say, “Your parents have won. They have successfully raised two smart, creative, articulate, happy men.”

Dear Readers, I send you hearts because I care about each and every one of you. You, in return, will send me your questions: DevenGreen@gmail.com

Image by Reed Davis